I started off with something along the lines of ambi.valence.
A word-of-the-day sort of thing, if you will.

Maybe more accurately one of the many precise words that describes my constant state of being. {stretching the argument} I can literally classify most things related to the same subject, idea and even person in my life as having emotions of both positive and negative valence. Yes, that’s why it is called ambi.valence!

my life changes

I decided to take a walk. Not the stroll in the park type. Rather down the bone chilling cold dimly lit corridors. Passed the big conference room. Into a mausoleum evoking ambiance opening. Passed the coldest people to exist in corporate communications. Whiff brewing coffee from the pantry. And finally behind close doors… ahhh… just me and my thoughts. Which by then I have forgotten what I was ambivalent about!

* thoughts *

Is about the only thing I entertain the most. Like now, while staring at the white illuminated screen. Thinking. Random thoughts. Nothing in particular. Best thoughts? Buck naked and down right wet. Priceless tag lines. Creative ideas. Shameful schemes. Are hatched in the 4 x 4 x 12 feet cubicle.

besides thoughts

I talk to just about anybody and everybody. Imaginary that is. No. There’s nothing imaginary about the person. Just the conversations. It’s too embarrassing to say with whom. I’ve covered myself adequately with the qualifier ‘just about anybody and everybody‘. The thing is the conversations get neurotic. To the point of obsession. And when I actually have a real conversation … it ain’t what it was imagined to be. Don’t get me wrong. They are usually nice people. But so low key in person that once I’d gotten to know that, I can’t have any more imaginary conversations with them. Which is pretty much the case with internet ‘friends’.

internet friends

Speaking of which, I took a peek at my G-Chat. Damn @#$% is online. He lied and cheated on me. Not relationship wise. But that too in the business sense. Should I remove him? Block him? Is that rude? What’s the protocol? Is there an idiots guide?

Guides for Dummy

There should be one for life. I need some mathematical modeling. A formulae if you will on “how much”. The pre-fix to all life’s questions… how much time? how much vacation? how much insurance? how much love?


Can we have one universal definition? What am I talking about, you asked? Well, try google-ing “love” and see what you get! Well, no wonder, like God, it remains an enigma all living beings crave for. Strive for. Die for. And that I believe was the beginning of the ambivalent thoughts. {that = LOVE}

Divorce – one of the saddest things

Growing up, we were plied with wonderful love stories. Even make believes. Our parents met. Fell madly in love. Eloped. Sung over and over again it was life’s mantra that pulled us through thick and thin. Nothing matters. Our parents had once been deeply in love. But in a divorce, you never tell your children you were once madly, deeply in love with their father. It’s just too confusing.

… and after awhile you can’t remember
You make things up along the way. Mostly spiced up. Reality becomes fiction.

but who needs fiction?

Real life never lets you down. I can’t understand why anyone would write friction when real life is so amazing. So colourful. I don’t. Read or write. I have full servings of non-fiction life on my platter.

* * * * * * * *

P/S: what the heck does “tidbits” mean? who came up with the term???


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