I didn’t make it today.I never wanted to make it.But that’s really besides the point.
My turning point came yesterday, en route to the workshop we were going to facilitate. A workshop we had no idea what to do … but hey, as a team we nailed it! And that’s what I like most about ‘us’. And I always knew your hairdo was a good sign. The ‘fights’ to keep you and to reward you accordingly was worth every breath. Every risks. Every judgement I had to face. For you.
Your succinct remark: ‘Penny, saya kecik hati’ followed by the clarity and openness of your justification changed my outlook of today.
I decided I was going to be there with you.
I was going dressed in the same shirt as you.
(no distinction. I don’t see why I deserved the ‘special’ status or treatment, when you, yes, YOU were the one who deserved it.)
I decided I was going to don a hideous, ridiculous red wig with you.
I decided I was going to yell my lungs out with you.
… but I didn’t make it.
And though I would like to tell you that I am drained from bending over some porcelain entrapment for 6 hours yesterday, falling asleep in between on the bathroom floor, I will not.
The fact that I could never have made the 2-hour journey in my condition and the 2 co-drivers I had backed down at the eleventh hour, I will not.
I can only offer you my apology: I am truly sorry. I disappointed you.
How can I make it better? How can I tell you that:
I see the unjust, double standards.
I feel the frustrations.
But hey, listen: he ain’t nobody to us.
He was crap at managing, at organising, and if this was an Apprentice assignment, we both know Donald would have said: ‘YOU ARE FIRED!‘
But, he sure was good at demoralising you – my boy!
And that I will not allow.
We will not allow.
So, this is my command to you: swing back up. He just ain’t worth it.
Lastly, I’ll need you to be my dose of positivity when he issues me a caution letter for not showing up today! coz I couldn’t be bothered to offer him any reasonings. Not after all this. Not after how he treated you. So, : ) my dear… : )