I lie in bed. Propped up on my elbow. Staring into space.
I meant to write but a zillion thoughts zooms across my mind.
I am unable to catch any.
My supposedly better new modem dropped me off (yet again). I haven’t a clue how to sort it out on my mac. All I can think of is blasting the man who has come again to fix the surveillance cameras. Who changed my modem so we can keep surveillance any where in the world via the Internet.
So yeah, my life is literally exposed now with cameras all over the house. I am “on” 24/7. There goes my favourite habit of walking around naked or half clothed. But of course I forget half the time …
It’s been 25 months now. But who’s counting?
And says who time heals? I am in the depths of depression. Maybe its also the illness. The meds.
I guess the real question is: why am I still depressed?
Could the clairvoyant be right?
Is this destiny?
But why would I want it any differently?
Experience and observations have shown me that I am on the right path. Freedom. Independence. Disposable income. Zero compromise.
O.K. A few steps back. A few days in fact. My only prospect asked me along the lines of the possibility of kicking the relationship / friendship a notch up. I replied that the prospects in theory and by a traditional matchmaker’s standards would have been perfect …but…
Truthfully, if such a question even needed to be asked or consulted upon the answer is bloody obvious – no? I mean, bloody GLARING wouldn’t you say?
Though sad, I was at ease with the eventuality. Buries everything once and for all. I probably had a little spring to my steps and felt as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Well, all is well until I discovered 2 days back the following on his fb status: “in a relationship”. Hello?!? What is that?!? “In a relationship”?!?
See, can you actually be in a relationship in less than a week after having a serious prospecting conversation with another person?
Do men have a list sorted by priorities and ranks which they strike off as they make their way down the list?
Can someone explain this phenomenon, if indeed it is one, to me? Is this a well tested fool proof process passed down through generations?
I stand firm with my decision.
If it pains me to decide, it is not meant to be.
If I have to list the ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ down, it is not meant to be.
If I find myself giving weightages to some criteria, it is not meant to be.
And in the end of the day I know I can’t live with a person who is more excited and passionate about a car marque, than homeless hungry kids. A guy who plans for college funds for kids who don’t exist in ivy league schools, than homeless hungry kids.