25 months now…

I lie in bed. Propped up on my elbow. Staring into space.
I meant to write but a zillion thoughts zooms across my mind.
I am unable to catch any.

My supposedly better new modem dropped me off (yet again). I haven’t a clue how to sort it out on my mac. All I can think of is blasting the man who has come again to fix the surveillance cameras. Who changed my modem so we can keep surveillance any where in the world via the Internet.

So yeah, my life is literally exposed now with cameras all over the house. I am “on” 24/7. There goes my favourite habit of walking around naked or half clothed. But of course I forget half the time …

It’s been 25 months now. But who’s counting?
And says who time heals? I am in the depths of depression. Maybe its also the illness. The meds.

I guess the real question is: why am I still depressed?
Could the clairvoyant be right?
Is this destiny?

But why would I want it any differently?
Experience and observations have shown me that I am on the right path. Freedom. Independence. Disposable income. Zero compromise.

O.K. A few steps back. A few days in fact. My only prospect asked me along the lines of the possibility of kicking the relationship / friendship a notch up. I replied that the prospects in theory and by a traditional matchmaker’s standards would have been perfect …but…

Truthfully, if such a question even needed to be asked or consulted upon the answer is bloody obvious – no? I mean, bloody GLARING wouldn’t you say?

Though sad, I was at ease with the eventuality. Buries everything once and for all. I probably had a little spring to my steps and felt as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Well, all is well until I discovered 2 days back the following on his fb status: “in a relationship”. Hello?!? What is that?!? “In a relationship”?!?

See, can you actually be in a relationship in less than a week after having a serious prospecting conversation with another person?

Do men have a list sorted by priorities and ranks which they strike off as they make their way down the list?

Can someone explain this phenomenon, if indeed it is one, to me? Is this a well tested fool proof process passed down through generations?

I stand firm with my decision.
If it pains me to decide, it is not meant to be.
If I have to list the ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ down, it is not meant to be.
If I find myself giving weightages to some criteria, it is not meant to be.

And in the end of the day I know I can’t live with a person who is more excited and passionate about a car marque, than homeless hungry kids. A guy who plans for college funds for kids who don’t exist in ivy league schools, than homeless hungry kids.


8 thoughts on “25 months now…

  1. Lost in transition. R.E.II (The Missing Chapters). R.E.II (The Missing Chapters) and you. Randomness I get.Forget it. 25 months 3 weeks 4 days 7 hours 48 minutes 42 seconds and who is counting?!?

  2. R.E.II (The Missing Chapters) …hmmm… let’s see. I’ve never really wanted to be anyone. So this is a tough one. Know what, with your brilliance, I am letting you decide for me. I know you will do me justice and an awesome job.Thanks!

  3. “Blogger tewfic el-sawy said… thanks for the link to my blog. also, sikkim is almost heaven on earth…visit and you won’t regret a moment. keep up your blog! tewfic the travel photographer”GOSH! I am honoured to have you dropped by. Thanks so much and I am a diehard fan of your work. I am so anxious and excited to finally meet you in India in 2009.Thanks again for everything – the photos, inspirations, words …

  4. Here is a message sent to all the directors of Red Eyes2.Dear director,I am about to link you somehow into the story…nothing negative….this story will continue to unfold as long as you desire: I think its more proper for you to choose who you would like to be rather than me forcing a label on you and also let me know what your limits are i.e. what you wouldn’t like etc The following characters have been taken:1. michelle obama’s niece2. Michelle’s personal assistant 3. The psychologist 4. the light 5. the musician6. the jazz pianist7. the musician from argentinia8. the mermaid 9. the jelly fish10. jumpy the little frog11. thom of the red rabbits12. the biochemist13. girl without shoes14. the poet15. former art school girl16. rebecca the priestess17. the german actress18. the safety comissioner19. the unnamed artist20. the flying cat21. barack obamaI need to rename the blogs under the title directors blogs..Please let me know who you would like to be?Hope to hear from you soon.Best wishes

  5. Hunger, environmental issues, Africa, lack of codes of conduct etc…issues with our attempts at globalisation and other depressing stuff…it’s an endless depressing list not to talk of personal worries!It’s nice to know someone else who cares about the world. It’s nice to know there is someone else out there who’s not selfish. Someone else who thinks about the world. It’s pleasing to know there is someone else who loves mankind. Life can be so depressing and thats why I believe we should stay connected…Lets make life a little bit funny. Thanks for being a part of this.

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