dun NEVER say…

.

that i NEVER made anything pretty for you….
{Gah, i know your drama, and one day you will say something like that…}

.

And he does know me. I hate landscapes. I hate flowers. So, naturally there’s nothing about a shot in a park that I would like. But these … these are different. It evokes emotions. It tells a story of solidarity. Loneliness. And that is pretty much the underlying feelings I have been going through over the months.
..
Planning for the Himalayas hasn’t been easy.
First, there was the issue of travel partners.
I’ve given up on this front.


Then, there’s the timing to consider.
Which is some how {though I am convince not correlated, but a convenient excuse} related to the first point.

And finally there’s my personal physical challenge.
Frustrating.
Soul shattering.

.

Today, this came in. It somehow understood me. It’s a split moment of my frenzied thoughts frozen in time.

..

Today I met a guy with the same degenerative condition as me.
Someone who is far more advanced than me.
Someone who has really lived and coped with it for a good one to one-and-a-half decade more than I have. {I was too embarrassed to ask his age}
He has had it since he was in high school. Like me, B-A-M! It just happened one fine day. No signs. No warnings. It was just there.

.

Diagnosis after diagnosis.
Denials and second, third, fourth opinions were seek.
Until the inevitable takes over. Exhaustion? or a broken spirit. Whichever first.

.

For me, it was exhaustion.
Followed by a broken spirit.
I didn’t need to sit through another diagnosis.
I have the scans etched in my brain as if it was being tattooed by the finest ink artist there is.

.

But more importantly, I was tired of listening to the prognosis.
Delivered by white coats who have undoubtedly put in 8 years of their lives between crumbling pages of medical journals.


But what do they seriously know?
It took them 4 months of 3 different prescriptive drugs. 2 sets of additional scans to accept that the drugs weren’t working for me.

.

It took me 2 days to tell them the drugs were working against me!
I was the unfortunate 2% with side effects.

.

The drugs made me more ill than I actually was – bending over porcelain entrapment and rousing suspicion that I might be conceiving right to the possibility of having an eating disorder! {rumours that I entertained and fueled up for the heck of it! lol}

.

Drugs that were erosive in nature.
I soon developed peptic ulcer by month 3; though secretly I think it has to do with work stress.

.

Today was different.
.
He knew.
He understood.
He gave me practical management care solutions and suggestions.
He gave me practical advise.
He gave me insights.
He armed me with a live example of what this degeneration looks like a decade down the road.
He warned me of the regrets.
He was my guinea pig of treatments.
.
Sure, there would be slight differences; person to person.
By hey, he’s the closest I have come to know!

.

.

Despite all the ugliest sights of the world and human nature.
He pauses.
He senses.
He see.
Calmness.
Beauty.
Hope …

.
.

and of course he thought of me! :p
Thanks for the shots.
I love them and thanks for letting me put it up in my blog void of credits to you.
Huggies

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11 thoughts on “dun NEVER say…

  1. foto.graphernot sure if they have plain white bread for you. besides airfare and accommodation (there’s hostels) no other major cost. bus and train rides are cheap.July-August timeline.k.t.xtiming not good. i’ll give it a skip. year end mebbe bhutan still on. just figured a way to beat the USD 200 per day system

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