feeling the blues …

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It’s amazing how exhausting being angry and depress is. The energy that saps from your body. Physically. Emotionally.

I am at my usual ‘on-NOoooo-danger‘ point. The one where I would do one out of the three things that I would indefinitely regret later. And how do I know this? I’ve been there one too many times!
  • run off to some god forsaken country to work for a reasonably (not terribly) obscene amount of money only because other sane people would not embark on. Generally extremely under-developed. Ultra conservative and religious. Dangerous (by western- CNN media in particular type of portrayal). Or a combination of the above mentioned.
  • go back to school. uh huh – this explains my law drop out status and partly my medical school drop out decision – but really, it was the imagery of 1.5 metres of snow in my mind that saw me packing and bolting for the door. Yes, vision; i.e. in my head – not yet happening, but in any case it was better this way than me freaking over my first cadaver.
  • get into a 90-degrees-drop-type-roller-coaster relationship with usually a war photographer. Either in the romantic or professional sense. Both tried. Both failed. And when both combined … combustible… though I am still feeling the void. Photo? or Person you asked. hmmmm… this requires some internalising.
The interesting {or strange} thing is, whenever I am in this state of mind – the ‘on-NOoooo-danger‘ point – goddamn INSEAD, Wharton, Harvards and the likes loves pursuing me and sends me those lovely thick glossy brochures with fresh smiling faces of hopefuls in tailored {at worst Thomas Pink} type of shirts … hmmm… how come then none of these eligible looking men existed in any of my classes or my business school campus? Anyways, the thing is I do NOT need any more executive programme development. It’s a wonder I survived MBA the first time around. I don’t even like reading management articles, let alone think {highly? definitely not! just plain ‘think‘) of the supposedly ‘gurus’ of management.

And strangely enough, I get an odd phone call {skype – now that we’ve moved on with technological advancements … poor sir graham bell} if I’ll consider Lahore, Pakistan. hmmmmm… again, dangerous (by western- CNN media in particular type of portrayal) but what do I really know.

To top it up all – and no surprise how this blog entry ends – I got a out-of-this-world message, out-of-the-blue from a well published and regarded war photojournalist. I’ve never worked with him before. As in on any NGO type work. We’ve met once. Shot sort-of together. ‘Sort-of ‘coz he did his stuff, I did mine. When I’m in the blues at work I take sneak peaks – easy – just google images since he’s so well published … and I get my ratio for the week.
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– – – – – – – – – – – – –

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I can’t explain why I love war photography and yet I freak out at the sight of a cadaver.
I can’t explain why I enrolled into Med-School, when I know I’ll freak out at the sight of a cadaver.
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4 thoughts on “feeling the blues …

  1. Don't worry babe. You are full of contradictions and anyways the scale will swing back up. You would be fine. Try wedding and commercial photographers for a change. lol

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