relationship status: COMPLICATED

Leaving at 8:08 p.m. again (my auspicious hour says Hit-man), ‘kecik’ and I inched our way to our cars; mine’s a further distance at the hotel and hers by the grave yard – which incidentally now has a ‘NO PARKING – UNAUTHORIZED VEHICLE WILL BE TOWED’ signage – damn! they finally realised that people like me (‘kecik’ excluded) have been enjoying FREE parking right smack in the middle of Kuala Lumpur city – prime area with shady trees and a gate! to ensure no trespassers and hooligans with spare time and spray cans.
She asked about Leland.
man… everyone has been asking about my baby. Must be the pained look I carry around for the past 2 weeks. That of a mother in distress.
Suddenly she said, “both your babies have heart problems.”
I looked at her quizzically – maybe, just maybe, the overcast lights that are illuminating the KLCC Twin Towers had given her a glimpse of my expression as she continued to clarify, “Leland and … {pause} your ex- (name censored)”.
“Oh yeah,” I replied with my voice slightly raised out of penned up anxiety.  
“You know, he’s not been in action for 8 weeks. You think he’s dead? Sick?”
“Give him a call,” she offered.
I have. I mean, I did on 2nd January 2010. No reply.
So, I tried again as I drove out of the car park. No reply.
I asked myself, “Do you care?”
Strangely, deep down, I do. In fact, I don’t just care. I really care.
I have been at peace a few years back now. I have come to appreciate us in the past. I have come to LOVE us now. The NOW is beautiful. No complications. Just pure LOVE… caring without boundaries and worries of repercussions. Understanding the balance between everything within and without. Sharing selflessly. But appreciating and understanding that one can and must LOVE oneself first.   
So when I see people terming their relationship “complicated”
I’ll say (to myself) … ‘if that is in mind, hence, that’s the outcome.’
On second thoughts, WT{blip} is “complicated” anyways?
What is? Betcha they can’t say for sure. Betcha is someone/something/somesituation fault anyways.
Frankly, “complicated” is just HOGWASH. Denial. A close-ended response that really says “I don’t want to talk about it. I know I should end it. I will, but … it’s complicated!”
You know what, yeah you know EXACTLY which friend of mine I am referring to. You! 
Listen to the heart. Not the head.
Who’s the justification for? YOU?
Anyways, back to the main story (apologies for being discursive Penelope yet again), he called back. yay! he’s alive {with a leica for me to loan too}
“evil evil evil. you are plain delightfully evil!” I responded with a glee and smile …
he laughed.
yay! ‘kecik’, we are all alive – you in your 4″ heels, me with my wrecked knee. him and …well, just him on a slippery, rainy nite.


{aiyah… too late to read my Buddha Vol 3 tonight. I’ve got to run numbers and more eyeball crossing numbers for the next few days … so, I’ll probably be quiet again. darn! there goes the photo editing (i.e. go through albums and chose only lah) ambition too.}

10 thoughts on “relationship status: COMPLICATED

  1. waddya sayin baby??!?!?!!i'll still detest him for you. he dumped you on your birthday remember????????i'll still gut him out any day even though objectively he's a decent guy.but hey, we stick together guurl. i'm splitting and splicing guts.

  2. … and all 3 heading off in separate directions?Gosh woman! You are very lucky you know. He was your best-est buddy ever for years and now he's still your buddy. Not all friendships with ex- works.We've been missing you.

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