the year of PORSCHEs, bifocals and arthritis

They weren’t kidding about accelerated speed.
24 hours today is like a week in the 1950s.
There is no empirical evidence (known to me at least) on this, but its my gut feel…
Porches were an indulgence for the select few when mid-life crisis hits.
But now?
I have friends test driving them.
I have friends signing downpayment cheques for them and mulling over custom-made interiors.
I have friends on sabbatical accompanying their new acquisition on a once a life time voyage across the seas from Italy to home.
And just so you know, I’m still a version 3{point} something … a far way from mid-life crisis.
At forty he picked his shattered heart from the floor when ‘bifocal’ was uttered by the optometrist as a remedial for his reoccurring headaches, tired watery eyes and unsatisfactory output from his high end rangefinder and accompanying lenses.
It was a few months ago that I seek a second opinion on my need for reading glasses.
You gotta be kidding me.
Me? Loh Ngan Fah? at 30-ish?
Whatever reason and cause-and-effect given by the optometrist, I didn’t register any of them.
All I saw from a less than 20:20 vision was a jaw moving up an down on a face framed with thick black rimmed glasses and a head of overdosed hair cream combed to a slick taupe cleverly covering some parts that was showing flesh.
And very finite moment was the start of my “Loh Ngan Fah” obsession; one that quickly replaced my “why do I not have the genes that makes me chopstick-cum-praying mantis thin with boobs“?
I am neither over endowed nor under-endowed in any way, but marginally wrong in every way.
Let’s just say either my Creator was having a bad day on 3rd October or lacks conscientious.ness as a trait. The output hence, is your typical Chinese frame with flat nose, broad (non-angular) jaw and puffy cheeks… frame that redistributes the lipid to a pear-shape with the version 3.0 upgrade, taking shape better with ever sub-grade. As if it was defined by gravity, nothing done changes the outcome that it is destined to be … the pear-shape!

After the recent arduous hike, I have to admire my firm thighs and calves. Peering into my own mirror reflection, I noted the celluloid points that, save for the knife and suction machine, nothing would work – least of all tones of firming lotion the FMCG marketers of the world tried to convince the desperate.

Did I just spot them? Or are my eyes playing tricks with me?
“Loh Ngan Fah” remember…

On closer inspection … oh yes, there is no mistaking here.
Those are the god awful bluish “worms”!
Aren’t they suppose to ‘attack’ women who carried ‘burdens’ for 9 months in their abdominal cavity?
Apparently these “worms” have diversified to punish those who stand too much; exerting their legs. What’s apparent here is ‘exertion’ was not exclusively caused by duration, but also posture. One which has been bad for me, more so when straddled in minimum 4 inches uncomfortable designer shoes and kitten heels that provides no support.

What’s truly interesting is the “cultivation” of these bluish “worms” seems to be saturated on the left leg.
The poor left leg that has over the years been faithfully taking on additional burden from the right leg that is/was stricken with arthritis. With over 200 types of arthritis, let’s not bore you and keep it to plain simple arthritis.

To my dearest H.I.T, welcome to the version 3.0 upgrade … where things starts to go downhill.
And as said, with over 200 different kinds, who cares about the details of yours or mine, the medications or the exercises… or even the timeline before the knife is needed, followed by the choice of metal, coral and “fluid” / “lubricant”.

I have at least 10 more to go with the current OEM ‘installed’ this year … one that has been put to test recently with Mt. Nemrut and Mt. Ararat. No nagging pain, just cramps followed by numbness in the muscles.
And aye, aye sire … we shall hike to our heart’s content … and finally you totally gettit why hiking is suddenly more interesting and the passion so intense. 
Name a spot this winter – crampons, glaciers thrown in.
Insurance? checked!
Life is not a rehearsal … mine has just gotten shorter by a year today.

11 thoughts on “the year of PORSCHEs, bifocals and arthritis

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