random: stop . pause. {re} start 2012

2012 started off bad for me with some hiccups and a necessary ‘dip’ that had put much of: 
………………….what the heck do I want to do career wise?
……………………….how the heck do I want to spend my life?
………………….………………….………………….………………,,.….into perspective. 
So after being in a limbo and as I recall the last parting advise I received from the ex-CEO during my last days in the Bank, “I suppose we are very unlucky not to have our backs pushed against the wall to really put our potentials to test” … I am restarting 2012 {and in a very small way: my life} … at a stage where I didn’t quite have my back pushed against the wall but made myself feel as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff.

I had come to an age {we shall call it the Penelope’s magical number in years} where I had come to realise two things:

# one: I AM SICK OF BEING AFRAID TO TRAVEL ALONE
# twoI AM TIRED OF NOT KNOWING WHAT I WANT TO DO CAREER WISE 
one: was overcome in Q3, 2011 with my solo trip to Turkey {read HERE} followed by trips to various countries in Africa, the Middle East and Greater China to date … with more in the pipeline.
For twoit was an euphoric moment where everything seemed to have fallen into place as I strolled down the aisle of Cold Storage, JayaOne with a 6-pack can of sugar free, low calories, real freshest lemon lemonades under my armpit, hitting the speed dial button on my Blackberry to my ex-boss aka ‘mom’ enthusiastically telling her that for once in 3 decades {plus minus some years} I knew what I was going to do, which suffice to say sounds very much like atypical Gen-Y lofty save the world ambitions … but do nothing about it other than network digitally, rock to the latest MTV beats and talk about saving the world, equality, blah blah blah…

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
/
so, how am I seriously doing {since 1st June 2012}? you asked
happy mostly… and totally engaged

Though honestly, there are days I …
wished I had the pay cheque that dispenses a handbag or two a month 
{so to all of you who said otherwise, well, it still bloody SUCKS big time!}
have to remind myself about the pay cheque {or lack of} above
{successfully bought nothing during a “come help me pick a gift at Tiffany & Co.” recently}
had to bite my tongue when I received side swipes from a contemporary who felt obliged to remind me about the lack of the above and the ‘seat of power’
{my real thoughts that was at the tip of my tongue: 
‘insecure loser, say what you want, I made it! and it still bugs you big time’ 
(plus the not so classy tongue sticking out with arms akimbo!)}
had to turn over a proposition in my head over and over again, weighing financial gain {want/ need} vs. high touch ‘pain’ {reputation-al risk}
{I dread to think of the possibility of ‘getting out of bed’ for anything less than my psychological threshold billing rates in time to come}

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

… and there are many, many days where I wished I had someone to organise my calendar and administrative matters in my life which I constantly forget and am hopeless at; i.e.

meeting date, time, place & person,
printouts and pre-meeting research/ financial modeling/ back-testing etc.,
where’s the car parked again? or freak! can we use any of the available chauffeurs?
filling and note taking!!!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Though honestly, there are times old habits are hard to break … like my seriously lack of genuine intelligence, where I did these since my re-entry re-start of 2012 on 1st June 2012:

I got the large Heritage Loewe tote handbag to pop my little computer in
{thus, not learning from my large Louis Vuitton Neverfull bag – it’s impossible, impractical and questionably robust when it’s too large – and by the way a ‘Made in China’ slim and small computer bag that’s decent cost RM49.90}
I got into a nasty bout of “are you mad?!? At 60K I’d buy another Land Rover rather than a 5-Series” spat with the BMW people 
{thus, not learning from my earlier attempt to buy a 3-series 2 years ago from what appears to be obviously myopic and ill-trained metal pushers or the Heavenly God’s way of refraining me from making a stupid purchase decision – more about this in another blog}
I created a Penelope Gan website
{thus, reinforcing my Libran narcissistic make and ignoring my non-talents by spending way too many hours trying to configure and design the website which ‘ate’ into serious opportunity cost and a total distraction of the real goal of kick-starting the 2nd socialpreneur agenda for the year}

.

{yet to move it to my own domain … so click HERE}

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “random: stop . pause. {re} start 2012

  1. oi woman!Can you live like a proletariat or not???!?!?If not get the M9 from VG for me. That I assure you will be a good investment and value for money if you work out in your mathematical brain the per click cost.hahahahahhahah…

  2. You bought a 5 series????!?!?!? in the midst of a world recession and semi-unemployment (or should I say semi-retirement)I thought you didn't like bimmers!!!!wowNow, quitting and all is not insanity. This is insanity!By the way I'll pay 60,500 for leland2

  3. Nice site!You missed out a few press related stuff about Scrap-n-Crop.com and your photographic works. Deliberate?In no time you'd be making more than the pay cheque and remember there's no price to happiness and freedom.All the best princess.I will be back end of Ramadhan for 2 weeks. We should catch up.

  4. Nice website!You should move to your own domain since you have a domain.And by the way I suppose the Loewe was 4999? You should stop moving the decimal points!!!Ben

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s