hey you … yeah you – bozo brain, reprimand creatively

See, I had voiced on many, many, many repeated occasions to the boss and the company as to how excruciatingly ‘painful’ this daily activity is and how my endurance is fast wearing down.
Like all typical corporates with BIG unshakeable policies, it fell on death ears.
But unlike all typical corporates, post an offsite retreat session which was meant to rejuvenate, bond, understand and focus on each other’s strengths, and support one another for collective success, we returned to the office the next few days only to feel deflated.
Sure, you’d say this is all-so-ordinary as the guy who motivates during the offsite retreat did not follow me back to the work place. Well hell, you are dead wrong. 50% of “the guy who motivates” was me. The other 50% of “the guy who motivates” was a staff of mine.
So shouldn’t I continue to motivate myself alongside others?

Well, for one, it’s straining.
Like the salmon who continues to swim against the tide, I was wearing down.
Like the salmon who continues to swim against the tide, I decided it was time to expire.
At some point you know that there’s no point fighting. And if you’re not prepared to join them …
It wasn’t a question of preparedness for me.
It was a question of choice. 
Choosing life. Choosing values.
My ex-boss had always said that when it comes to relationships and me, the make or break is determined by the alignment of our VALUE SYSTEM.
I made a conscious decision.
I refused to be one of them. I refuse to be moulded into the environment.
I refused to be the type of boss that write a housekeeping memo a couple of days after a team building, bonding, motivational event with items such as these in the following order:
PUNCTUALITY
{goes on to literally spell out the official time and the consequences of not abiding to it}
PHYSICAL HOUSEKEEPING
    sub-2.  Cups and mugs left around

I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT IT IS, AS I HAVE NO F@#$-ing INTEREST IN KNOWING or ASSOCIATING SELF WITH THE PLACE and PEOPLE
For those who are on my Social Media touch points, you’d know I have been having a stand-off with the tea lady-cum-cleaner who refuses to wash my mugs after the supposedly General Manager {whom she’d standby with toilet paper to wipe his dirty ass} I had replaced retired at 68 years, spending more than 2 decades decaying in this place.

Apparently I am not worthy of her attention.
Obviously nobody takes my seniority in this goddamn place seriously, other than the initial 3 minutes of  bewilderment arms flapping in air, saliva making a dangerous trajectory confirmation that they had not heard wrong, followed by how the world and company had gone mad given my youngish age.

This was the situation and typical remark I’d received from just about everyone I met in my first two weeks.

Seriously, whatever.
Performance driven cultures don’t really exist. Here or else where.
Age is still a determinant in many old farts minds who can’t help but recall where they were on the dreadful corporate pegging system when they were at my age and what they were making dollar and cents wise; conveniently dismissing the notion of net present value and/or inflation in the salary equation.

In any case, I don’t need to earn the tea lady-cum-cleaner’s respect.
I don’t need to proof my worthiness and value.
It’s her damn freaking job! If not, I wonder whose? The CEO’s? The Pope’s?

Since, I’m better than one to use the position authority trump card {which everyone knows I shy from}, I’d rather let her ‘win’ this ‘battle’ while I focus on ‘winning’ the ‘war’ of humanity.
Anyways, given that I am the only one with “problem” 1. and 2. in the memo whose contents were re-quoted above, and this is a well-known fact across the Division, I frankly didn’t think the public reprimand was called for.
It brought back memories of the public shaming that extended across other business units just a few weeks earlier, one in which I was purportedly accused of having the future capability of being someone whose judgement would be clouded if the revenues earned by my unit were charged and ‘parked’ under another unit’s books. Interesting the ‘crime’ had not even been committed to render a reprimand. But oh well, what was very disheartening with this public reprimand in the form of an email were:
one: 
I am a champion of team work and who believes that collectively we have a ‘war’ out there to fight. Who earns what within the company is irrelevant; my mantra: right pocket, left pocket.
two: 
the other recipients of the email comprised of my contemporaries and that of head of businesses in a hostile environment which I am new in and trying very hard to get work buy-in.  
So when the memo on punctuality and mugs went out, I gangly changed the date and printed out my resignation letter, savoured the slow motion movement as my pen glide through the curves that makes out my name elegantly, turned it upside down and placed it on my printer tray and smiled. I shall wait patiently for Friday evening to do it. 
I was at peace. I AM LIBERATED. 
I made a choice. I chose to have a LIFE.
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An advocate of stick-and-carrot approach and engaging the workforce, here’s a lovely example on how to reprimand creatively. In brought back memories of my previous life where at the Bank, we had groups that utilised a cacti plant, an inflated alligator and other highly visual and ridiculous objects to pass a message that dents the ego a little but otherwise lighthearted and funny without the threat of hitting one’s livelihood.
{P/S: By the time this post is published, I would have long left the employment mentioned above. A year to be exact since I had joined them. Nonetheless, this is solely my opinion.}

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6 thoughts on “hey you … yeah you – bozo brain, reprimand creatively

  1. Pingback: office engagement… | {the other 1/2 of} Haque

  2. :) no bonding?hey, office parties, retreats are the best places to cultivate the hottest most scandalous two consenting adults activities man!and observe the latest ways how to impress your boss tipsi enjoy my sideline seat view … well, not that there's anything else to do when you are forced into these ridiculous events right?so, am with you on this on kc

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