Thief-ing skipped one generation with grandpa moonlighting as a grave robber – he used to collect artefacts, antiques and other worthy historical/ collectors loots, amongst which was a beheaded Borobudur Buddha’s head.
Me, being the next supposedly thief-ing generation, have to admit that I have stole a Felix the Cat eraser from Yaohan, The Mall when I was eight and plenty of jelly beans in Primtemps, Atria Damansara growing up. If you think that was all, well, I graduated to exotic cheeses in my college days and I couldn’t help day dreaming that I was Tracy Withney in Sidney Sheldon‘s If Tomorrow Comes, while I was forcibly moved by a human mob of tourist in the Topkapi Palace Museum staring at jewels that’s worth at least more than a third of the world’s countries GDP!
My latest exploit was a month back, sitting across a burly looking unshaven pot-bellied Aussie – that’s not an ounce of the younger (or older) Tom Berenger – in a makeshift cargo container turned office in a piece of barren land with huge pit holes in them thanks to sticks of dynamites that goes off three times a week. With dust perpetually suspended in mid-air, heat and humidity, I couldn’t help but return his direct come-ons with flirtatious ideas of how to secure the bullion in the gold room.
He – the not Tom Berenger – being an ex-ASIO, who has over 30 years experience in securing mines with precious metals and stones was bemused and played up many interesting scenarios of how I would so totally be spending my life in a dingy, badly lit 4′ x 8′ space, which he had sent others – some professional thieves, and ex-covert security personnel and secret agents – to in his “past lives”.
In that one hour, I learnt various countries’ extradition laws, how to survive the bush for four months with a 25L backpack of supplies/ tools (feeling very much like Katniss Everdeen of Hunger Games), how best to roast a wallaby, why Alpaca and Llama should not be eaten, never to swim in the Amazonian jungle, how to get your trapped calf out of an Anaconda’s jaw … and many, many more heroic nature related survival guide, plus what its really like to die from cyanide (and why movies are so misleading, judging by how everyone in every Rambo series got it wrong!).
But mulling over it while tossing and turning in bed with the storms closing in on my tin-can roof accommodation, I realized that my ex-ASIO had not imparted any information that would allow me to perform an Italian Job heist equivalent, replicate Ocean’s 11, 12 and 13 (the George Clooney-Matt Damon version, not Frank Sinatra of course) … or what it takes to be Jason Bourne or James Bond!
But like his parting words, “it’s my best and most stimulating 1 hour in 6 weeks here” … that is really an understatement David!
It’s the best conversation I’ve had since the project commenced.
He’s the most illuminating and interesting character – aside from his lewd ways – I’ve met ever since I’ve been on this job – now, that’s 1 year 6 months and 13 days. uh huh, it’s a long time.
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P/S: It’s of utmost important that I learn from David ‘HOW TO CATCH A WALLABY’ before I can even think of shoving it’s sorry furry arse into the bond fire. Why? Read HERE