on distraction …

i’m designing my home
OK. Mebbe the operative word should be “trying – as in I’m trying to design my home.
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Well, for one, I can draw floor plans with AutoCAD. 
This is a skill I had more or less self taught after being given a quick 10 minutes hands-on demo by a architect friend (or kindda colleague as I was kindda moonlighting as a visual merchandiser). 
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And NO. I do not have a self inflated ego or misplaced perceptions on my abilities to think that I can forgo an architect and design my own home. Contrary to it, really, on all aspects, though I am still rather upset at H’s statement earlier this week of: common’ your feat was not in the same league as beating Raphael Nadali.e. in reference to Australian wild card Nick Krygios‘ mom’s lack of support or rather faith in her son’s ability to knock out the likes of Raphael Nadal at the Wimbeldon 2014
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Well, my mom is much the same when it comes to me. And sure, I’ve nothing to shout about on the accomplishment front at the same league as that, but …yes, I was moaning about how under-appreciated I am vis-a-vis my sibling in the presence of both mom and H, rather playfully. It’s the truth though but I have long grown up and accepted it as is.
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Truthfully, i’m designing my home coz I have trust issues.
Coupled with my OCD inclinations, I have to have it all nailed down before I start soliciting real professional help. I’m visual too – so having a plan in front of me would take away a lot of pain and frustration of trying to explain my brief to the architect.
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So, how am I doing on the front of i’m designing my home?
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First and foremost, does anyone know where I can get a bootleg version of AutoCAD?!?! 
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The 3-year student FREE trial version from the official site does not permit downloads in my part of the world – not surprising given the rampant and what used to be lucrative bootleg business of software programmes, movies, music blah3 … not to mention we have one of the highest rate of credit card frauds as well.
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I am not propagating and/or supporting the above, but honestly, we aren’t talking about buying an original movie/ music DVD or CD that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. An AutoCAD programme for someone who just wants to muck around and pre-design her home does cost an arm and a leg plus a couple of kidneys. What are we looking at here? A set-back of circa MYR12,000!!! Now, to put things into perspective, minimum wage is only MYR10,800 per annum – gottit?
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Secondly, I am so obsessed, I am totally sleep deprived.
I’ve found a 7 days trial version of a simplified “autoCAD” floor plan drawing that has been designed to work on Microsoft Office – Smartdraw – and have been at it for 7 days. The results are 2 plans … and I’ve got a buzzing idea on my head for Version 3.0, but am still too cheap to pay close to USD200 for the floor plan programme (MYR625).
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As for the 2 plans …
with everyone’s “wish list” included I ended up with Version 1.0 being at 16,000+ sq ft built up … only to quickly realised that neither the width nor the length of the house can be beyond 100 feet as that would be way beyond the parcel’s size.
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Though at the back of the mind, a 16,000+ sq ft house is ludicrous for a family of two (+ possibly 1) … and perhaps a little Chihuahua dog named “frog” that currently resides in two adults imagination* … I didn’t quite scale the house down due to its sheer largeness and impracticality but rather worked on Version 2.0 on the guided premise of bringing both the width and length to below 90 feet!
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And thus, emerged Version 2.0 at magically one quarter of its original size to a stunning 4,000+ sq ft! A much more realistic size.
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Malaysia-Chihuahua-Puppy-21105-copy

* “frog” the dog does exist in a pet shop in suburbia Kuala Lumpur … the thing is I do not own “frog” though the thought of it has been tempting and haunting … “frog”, unlike his other friend, game us the Charles Dickens Oliver Twist look with his big eyes!

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But more importantly i’m designing my home because I need a distraction.
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whoa! Let’s start over with you holding back your judgments on my “rich-spoilt-brat” proclamation of “I need a distraction”.
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I’m somehow going to say this as delicately as possible without offending anyone or any organisation, especially the one that I am currently attached to, which I have some grievances with regards to drawing a line between professional and private life and one’s visibility on the world wide web. My short and quick respond to that? I’ve blocked almost everyone at work from my sites post a conversation with HR!
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So, I digress – back to the need for distraction!
The past two years in consulting can be summarised quite easily as the least productive years of my career.
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I had left the bank in search of some peace and quiet. After 6 years, commencing with start-ups to cross-borders integrations, I was burned out and many had advised that I take some time off in a more relaxing environment. I did. I am.
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On one hand, I have enjoyed the complacency and treasure the flexibility and freedom in terms of time and hours. On the other hand, I miss the “dog-eat-dog” culture of large performance-rewards differentials.
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The “one happy family” superficial environment of everything and everyone is hunky dory irritates me to no end. The high tolerance level of varied performance and mostly mediocrity upsets me. Yet, I enjoy the time-off and lack of discipline that comes with it. The absence of corporate governance and enforcements. The lackadaisical attitude driven mostly by ignorance of HR.
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So, what do I do?
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Re-enter the “dog-eat-dog” world with way higher performance pay upside with commensurable stress?
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Stay and enjoy a relatively high wage-per-effort/ achievement? (while missing out to my cohorts in the longer run?)
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I am yet to decide. I do have a stressor that does make me consider leaving 3 out of 5 days. But this feeling goes away with the increasing absence at work.
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With that, I decided I needed a distraction that would keep me occupied, if not obsessed for a couple of years … and so, i’m designing my home
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one year older, one bucket list tick-ed

When you get to a certain age, it’s just a number.

Interesting observation on the number of well wishers though. Social media mostly. Not surprising – it cost just a micro second of one’s life to click the Like button or 30 seconds to to type a short wish.

Some long distant chats perk the day up.

An awkward meeting with an extremely critical CEO ended up being bizarre-ly weird and awkward in the presence of my Country Manager – a deliberate move. And I can’t be more thankful for it.

And finally, after numerous marathon nights post the trip from Europe, I was relieved to have met the Travelogue dateline; not the number of pages, not the original story line.

I had almost resigned to fate when at 11:42pm the servers hung.

The MacBook Pro (that’s due to see Dr. Mac) proceeds to crash soon after.

And at 11:58pm the time indicated to complete the upload was still fluctuating between 9 minutes, 14 minutes, 32 minutes, 18 minutes … thanks to my unreliable broadband. By 1:32 am time was still ticking and I was far from done; sick of the fluctuations that gave me no comfort.

I slept. “It’s a long hectic day tomorrow,” I thought.

At 3:29 am I was woken up by a blinding light and a “zing” type ping noise – indicating it had gone across / or maybe not.

I turned over and slept. Hoping for the best.

I heard nothing the next day. And the next. And the next next …

On 3rd October, I get a note that all is well.

On 5th October, away from home on a work assignment, I receive a note that a copy has been sent across … and here’s the copy …

One 2013 To Dos completed.

Yet another Bucket List ticked off.

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apologies played forward: expect less activity

My entries here is going to be less frequent.
The main reason being:
I am currently struggling to wrap my head around why I had agreed and decided on writing a 2-part travelogue.
As if a travelogue is not time and soul draining enough, I said “ok” to two!
I am seriously in need of help. the sick in the head type of help
I don’t even find myself funny … heck, I can’t even spell and guarantee my grammar is correct … hence the red fonts which denotes: {p}.Haque can’t spell – please check.
 
So, once I have figured out how I could possibly be such an idiot in the not so distance past, I’ll have to get around writing it. Or rather finding some inspiration to write it. I am all but done with 2.25 chapters of the India Travelogue … and I’ve pretty much exhausted all the mojo I have in me. 
by {p}.Haque – All Rights Reserved – click to enlarge
The other reason is my indecisiveness on blog platform and focus! i.e. should I …
  • shut the blog down all together and focus on the Travel G-spots blog or 
  • continue {the other 1/2 of} Haque on WordPress platform or 
  • combine both blogs on a WordPress platform or
  • do I even want to do any of the above?

Lastly of course, notwithstanding the workload in the salaried job, my socialpreneur venture and the above crazy travelogue project that’s due in September 2013 … or was it November 2013, I am seriously toying with cultivating my Malaysia.na idea – more of this later … if I do ever get on with it.
Somewhere along all of these and the past few days, I’ve also been asked to help to design a logo, run some financial modeling (why do people think I like this beyond my 9to5 continues to amaze me … more so on a favour/ pro bono basis) and sew a dress!
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The above post and contemplation was written while life was still as per normal with Mr. B sleeping soundly in his bed some 20 feet away from me.

As this gets published digitally on the web, my darling, my raison d’être for over 10 years has gone to join his creators. There is much adjustment for all of us behind as we come to accept a new chapter of all our lives.

The hardest words I had penned over the last couple of weeks were that of this last resting place’s plaque:

A miracle and gift. You thought us eternal unconditional love.
You will live on in our hearts.
 
 
No other words penned for the longest of time will carry as much weight, responsibility and meaning.
 
Likewise, it’s unlikely I’d be able (or inspired) to take any photos in a long time – having recorded his birthday, followed by farewell 9 days apart.
 
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